Thursday, January 1, 2015

The New You... And Then What?

New Year's Day. A fresh start. A new chapter in life waiting to be written. New questions to be asked, embraced, and loved. Answers to be discovered and then lived in this transformative year of delight and self-discovery. Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand. Only dreams give birth to change. - Sarah Ban Breathnach

For many people New Year brings hope of change and improvement. New Year's resolutions are being made. We seem to be at a verge of something big and "know" that this year will be different, better than the last. Intuitively we know that this will only be possible if we change our ways.

I read an interesting blog post the other day. The author touches a strange aspect of the personal transformation process: the resistance to your change as experienced by others.

Some of you may have experienced similar situation: something was not working in your life and you decided to change. You worked hard and experienced all the pain of letting go of the old habits and convictions. And you have been promised love and support. But when the new you began to emerge, you have met some form of resistance if not a rejection. And this did not come from within! The very people who offered you their support suddenly seemed to reject the new you. 

So, what happened? Why on earth our friends or our loved ones would want to keep us down? Why would anyone want to prevent us from growing? 

The answer may be simpler than anyone would want to admit. They are afraid that we may become obsolete and want to preserve their status quo. 

When you change you are no longer the predictable loser, procrastinator or the cry-baby they got used to; they are no longer masters of your destiny; you are out of control! Worse. You not only become "unpredictable," you finally can see their own weakness and inadequacy. 

Change may, indeed, be very painful. We have to let go of so many things that were dear to us, including "us." At some point this process may become so painful that we may consider, for an instant, to throw the towel. This is the moment when we are vulnerable and need most love and support to go on. Instead, we get tempted, out of "pure love," to giving up and return to our safety zone. 

Our friends and loved ones wish to spare us the pain, but they also wish to preserve the old status quo where they felt comfortable around us. 

The truth is that in reality we might have been miserable in our safety zone, but we felt safe. We were loved and taken care of. Shouldn't we comply and go back? Tempting, tempting... 

What will happen if you do? What will happen if you don't? 

Those who really love you will give you all their support and allow you to grow. And they will try to evolve with you and learn to accept the change. 

Those who reject your desire for transformation should probably be let go off because with time the relationship may not only become unsatisfying, it may turn toxic and abusive. Do not get involve in their game. They will probably blame you for being heartless and egoistic. You know better. 

If your relationships no longer serve you, you should consider a serious change. The decision is all yours. Brave it!

Dominique Allmon

Dominique Allmon©2015