The Joy of Gardening or How to Mend a Broken Heart

"Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes." – Unknown

Unless you lost a loved one you will never understand the avalanche of emotions that overwhelms the minds, the hearts and the souls of those bereaved.

I lost my husband in December 2023, short before Christmas. I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my companion, my twin soul, my alter ego. I lost my home, my garden, my dogs and my cats. My husband's spiteful daughter told me that "now, that my husband was dead, I could finally go back to my life". I wish I could "go back" to my life. I wish I could return to the time long before Jim's cancer diagnosis, when life was good and dreams were still possible.

One of the most important things in life is to never define yourself or your happiness by your possessions or the people in your life. You should be able to be happy even if you lost everything. I always understood that happiness was an inside job but I never imagined how I would cope with the loss if it actually happened in my life.

When you and your spouse are so completely connected that you become one mind, one soul, a sudden loss of your "other half" leaves an incredible emptiness. Nothing in your life prepares you for such a tragedy. Your world is completely shattered in an instant. You cannot "return to your life" and you don't simply move on. You survive and if you are lucky, you will slowly learn how to live again.

My husband's 2021 stage IV renal cell carcinoma diagnosis came as a shock to both of us. We hoped that he would be able to beat the disease, but we also knew that our days together were somewhat numbered. Still, his passing in December 2023 came unexpectedly. Five months later, one of our puppies died in the custody of my husband's daughter. An unimaginable void opened after these two deaths and unbearable pain became my companion ever since.

Interaction with my late husband's daughter in the weeks that followed his passing put me into an acute PTSD setting and left me heartbroken and traumatized. Although my husband left me everything he had, in a moment of distress and confusion, I renounced my inheritance believing that his daughter and her big family would have a better use for it. Despite my generosity I was even threatened with physical violence if I were to say something bad about my husband. Suddenly, I had to face evil I was not prepared for. Moreover, because of a nasty trick I lost my husband twice. Lies, deception, fraud, more lies.  

Till today I cannot understand how my sweet husband could have even been related to a person without honor, conscience or decency. If he had witnessed what transpired after his death, he would have been angry and disappointed. He would have never allowed this to happen, but that's a material for a book that probably will never be written.

Dealing with the loss of your loved one takes up all your energy, but to deal with pure, premeditated evil at the same time when you didn't even know it existed, adds another dimension to you suffering. 

I do understand that she lost her beloved father and took out her anger and frustration on me without even considering that I myself was grieving and in pain. I had nobody to turn to, just myself all alone. 

 

We all have our big and small tragedies and I am aware that nobody cares about my story. However, if you are broke, broken and depressed like me or feel stuck in your current emotional state for any reason, you may want to try something different for a change if you do not want to see a therapist. 

Healing takes time and requires a lot of strength if one doesn't want to lose one's mind or drown in anger, resentment and self pity. Some things cannot ever be repaired. You will never be the same. You do not move on. You cannot really recover from your loss. The grief will never go away. All you can do is to learn to cope, accept the things the way they are and try to somehow mend the broken heart, if this is even possible.

Grief is not a linear process. It is not a problem to be solved. Everyone experiences it differently. The grief will turn your life upside down and if you truly loved someone you lost, the grief will never leave you. 

The extreme emotional pain you feel after the loss of a loved one can profoundly affect your emotional and physical health. Finding something that will give you sense of purpose and accomplishment could help during the time of grief.

Gardening seems like one such thing that could help a grieving person to deal with the avalanche of emotions. It is an active exercise in mindfulness. It requires willingness to learn, concentration and many hours of work every day. Getting your fingers dirty is actually healthy and quite relaxing. Spending a lot of time outside and watching the plants you planted grow and move through their cycles of life can help you take your mind off your pain and connect with nature in a most healing way. You not only observe the cycles of life but also learn to accept the impermanence of things. 

There is an amazing sense of grace to be found in gardening...  

Many stressed or distressed people believe that there is no better way to calm the nerves and stimulate one's creativity than digging in the dirt and planting seeds. In fact, serious scientific studies were conducted on the relationship between mental and physical health and gardening. 

 

Scientists found out that gardening 

• helps you stay physically and mentally active 
• improves physical agility and helps strengthen the muscles
• exposure to sunlight while gardening helps you boost your Vitamin D levels
• possibly boosts immunity since the soil contains microorganisms beneficial to the immune system 
• decreases risk of such chronic diseases as heart disease and old age diabetes
• improves cognitive health and keeps your mind sharp
• gives you sense of purpose and accomplishment
• brings joy and happiness to your life 
• reduces stress and anxiety 
• helps you relax and sleep better

 

And, of course, if you are growing vegetables in your garden, gardening improves the way you eat since there is nothing more delicious than freshly plucked tomato or cucumber that you planted and have seen growing. 

 

Gardening can be very rewarding. Naturally, no amount of gardening will ever take your pain away, but it may help you manage stress and depression, if only just a bit. It helps you cope with difficult emotions. Daily work in the garden prevents you form losing your mind or turning bitter and vengeful. Your own joy and happiness is the best vengeance towards those who hurt you.

 

I no longer have a large garden so I started a small, bio-dynamic one on my balcony. I no longer have cats or dogs so I make friends with bumble bees and wasps. I thank the bees for pollinating my plants. I thank the wasps for keeping my plants free from aphids and other vermin. Watching things grow in my garden gives me some joy and comfort while I am trying to sort through memories from a much happier time.

Growing, harvesting and cooking your own food is probably one of the most satisfying experiences any gardener can have.

Although I completely lost my appetite I know that being able to prepare a meal from the fruits of one's diligent labor is a vital element of self care and cannot be underestimated during the time of mourning. 

Most days are very difficult for me. I hardly sleep anymore and I could probably water my small garden with all the tears I am shedding. I know that my beloved husband would not want me to let myself go so I try to pull myself together. Watching things grow fills my heart with gratitude. I take my morning coffee and read books in my garden just like we both used to do on so many mornings. I harvest my vegetables and prepare my meals the way I did for both of us. I don't even need to close my eyes to see my husband's smile as he is waiting for the salad dressing I am making.

We promised each other to be together forever. He never left. He just moved to another plane of existence and is waiting there for me...

By Dominique Allmon

In loving memory of my husband James W. Allmon (1953-2023)

Post scriptum

Cancer seems to be a nightmare my husband's family has to deal with. On May 7, 2025 my husband's son James William Jr. passed away only two moths before his 50th birthday. May he too rest in peace. 

Dominique Allmon©2025

To Your Health! - Water

We are in the middle of a wonderfully hot summer. When temperatures soar, you are more likely to experience thirst. The only beverage that your body really needs is water.

The human body is composed of about 75 percent water. The remaining 25 percent are solid matter. Water regulates body temperature, lubricates the skin and the joints. It delivers nutrients and oxygen to your cells, removes and transports the waste products out of your body.

We lose water through urination, respiration and transpiration. Also, alcohol as well as drinks containing caffeine, like sodas, coffee and black tea for instance, cause the loss of water in the human body. If you do not replenish the lost water, you will start experiencing the first signs of dehydration like headache, impaired cognition, disorientation, sluggish digestion, pain in muscles and joints, lower back pain, exhaustion, and body odor. Your urine will turn dark and have a strong odor as well. 

The lack of water leads to a chronic dehydration which is the root cause of many degenerative diseases. You can, however, prevent and reverse dehydration simply by increasing your daily intake of water. The amount of water you need to drink depends on your lifestyle, the work you are performing, and the climate you live in. If you are more physically active and sweat more, you will need to drink more water.

Learn to monitor your water intake. To calculate the amount of water your body needs, take your body weight in pounds and divide that number in half. That should give you the number of ounces of water that you need to drink daily. For example, your weight is 150 pounds. Divide 150 by 2. You will get 75 which is approximately the number of ounces of water your body needs - 75 or slightly more than a gallon. Increase this amount if you are working out, jogging, or performing other physically demanding task. Replenish your water if you regularly drink coffee and sodas. 

The quality of water you drink is very important as well. Filtered, ionized water is most beneficial. A low sodium bottled mineral water with high mineral content is a good alternative if you do not own a water filter or a water ionizer, or are on the go.

Approximately 20 percent of the water your body needs comes from many foods that you eat. Fruits and vegetables have a very high water content, cucumber and water melon being among the highest. Make sure that you include enough of them in your diet as they also deliver the vitamins and minerals that your body needs to function properly. 

Some people count the coffee as liquid that adds to the daily liquid intake. Unfortunately, coffee is a known diuretic that makes you lose water quickly. If you area a coffee drinker, do like the Italians, or the Austrians do - have a glass of water with your coffee.

Dehydration can have devastating effects on your body. The damage can be reversed. All you need to do is to hydrate and replenish the lost water in your body. You can eliminate pain, hypertension, digestive disorders cased by dehydration. You can also lose weight and rejuvenate your skin and joints if you drink more. 

Our bodies need electrolytes for the hydration to be delivered to all cells. To replenish lost electrolytes simply add a pinch of mineral-rich, unrefined, pink Himalayan salt or any other ancient sea salt, and a few drops of freshly pressed lemon juice. To make your water taste even better, add some fresh mint or any fresh herb of your choice.

Stay well hydrated, especially on hot days. Drink more water!

By Dominique Allmon

Happy Summer Solstice!

One way of celebrating the Solstice 

is to consider it a sacred time 

of reflection, release, restoration, and renewal. 

- Sarah Ban Breathnach, author, philanthropist, public speaker

 

Image: Golden Bee by Dominique Teng©2023

Let Lemons Be Lemons!

As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, sour auras! The good thing is that if you don’t want to be a lemon, you don’t have to be! Just don’t let those lemons rub themselves all over you! And you don’t even have to save them! Let lemons be lemons! One of the most important things that I have ever learned, is that I don’t have to save people. - C. JoyBell C.

Take the advice!

Let lemons be lemons 

and shine on this first day of summer! 

~ Dominique

 

Image: Let Lemons Be Lemons by Dominique Allmon©2018

Happy First Day Of Summer

And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer. - F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby

Happy first day of Summer! Happy Summer Solstice!

Image: First Day of Summer by Dominique Teng©2017

Summer Day

Colorful chair on Canyon Road  in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean -
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down–
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

By Mary Oliver

It Will Always Be Summer...

The serene philosophy of the pink rose is steadying.  Its fragrant, delicate petals open fully and are ready to fall, without regret or disillusion, after only a day in the sun.  It is so every summer.  One can almost hear their pink, fragrant murmur as they settle down upon the grass: 'Summer, summer, it will always be summer. - Rachel Peden

The Longest Day - Celebrating the Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

Since the beginning of mankind people of many cultures regarded the Summer Solstice or the longest day of the year as a major celestial event. This is the day that marks the triumph of light over darkness.

Mesmerized by the great power of the sun, civilizations all over the world have for centuries celebrated the first day of summer otherwise known as the Summer Solstice, Midsummer, the Saint John's Night, or Litha. The Chinese honored the Goddess of Light Li. The Slavs and the Celts celebrated the longest day of the year with dances and bonfires. 

Saint John's Night celebration in Poland

In Poland the Saint John's Night is celebrated as a magical feast of purification and fertility. Celebrations are rooted in ancient pagan rituals that honored the mystery of water and fire. To this day people all over the country dance and sing around bonfires until midnight. They make wreaths out of wild flowers and herbs and let them float on water after attaching candles to them. Young lovers set out in search of the magical fern flower that only blooms once a year during the Summer Solstice. The flower is supposed to bring great fortune to those who find it.

In England hundreds of people from all over the world typically gather at Stonehenge, the ancient megalithic circle in Wiltshire, to see the sun rise. The Heel Stone and the Slaughter Stone, set outside the main circle, align with the rising sun giving an incredible spectacle of light that affects people in the same way as it did thousands of years ago when the stone circle was first erected there.  

By Dominique Allmon

Image credit here and here

The Last Day of Summer

Summer ends and Autumn comes and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night. - Hal Borland 

To all those of us living in the Northern hemisphere September 21st marks the end of Summer. As Autumn begins and the weather changes, we often slow down a bit and turn our attention to the visible changes in nature. We leave the undisturbed lightness of Summer behind and become more reflective. But one thing is certain. No matter what lies ahead, the next Summer will come for sure...

Dominique Teng

Summertime

Summertime, I think, is a collective unconscious. We all remember the notes that made up the song of the ice cream man; we all know what it feels like to brand our thighs on a playground slide that's heated up like a knife in a fire; we all have lain on our backs with our eyes closed and our hearts beating across the surface of our lids, hoping that this day will stretch just a little longer than the last one, when in fact it's all going in the other direction. - Jodi Picoult in "My Sister's Keeper"

Sugared Rose - The Rose Petal Jam

The rose petal jam is one of my favorite childhood memories - an unforgettable taste that I have spent years hunting for. I tried rose jams from Egypt and Turkey. I tried rose jelly from Normandy. None of them tasted like the one my grandmother used to make.

The rose petals were gathered in summer and turned magically into a rose petal preserve that was later used to fill doughnuts.

We would spend the whole morning picking the most fragrant roses we were able to find. They usually came from the wild growing and incredibly fragrant Rosa rugosa and Rosa centifolia rosebushes.
 

My grandma's rose preserve had a nice, creamy texture and smelled like the roses on a rosebush. The whole summer vacation was captured in small jars. Kind of...

Ingredients:

• 1 cup organic rose petals
• 1 1/2 cup raw sugar
• freshly pressed juice of 1/2 lemon

Method:

• Clean the rose petals from all impurities. Cut off the white ends as they are rather bitter. 
• Gently wash and dry the rose petals.
• Place rose petals in a mixing bowl and add small amount of sugar. Using a pestle stir the sugar mixing it into the rose petals. Add a little lemon juice. Stir again.
• Repeat this action until you have used up all the sugar. You should have produced a creamy mass.
• Transfer the rose preserve into small, clean jars and store in refrigerator. Refrigerate, but do not freeze. 

 

Enjoy in good company on a fresh toast or croissant, on crêpes, in cakes, doughnuts or ice cream. Add a spoonful to a cup of yogurt or your morning smoothie. Use generously during the autumn and winter months to invoke memories of a sun soaked rose garden.

In meantime, enjoy the summer and take time to smell the roses! 

By Dominique Allmon

 

Note: The above recipe yields a raw rose petal preserve. Another version of this delicacy calls for a 1/2 cup of water. The water is added to the rose petal-sugar mass and slowly warmed over a small heat. Stirring is necessary or the jam may burn at the bottom of a pot. After the mass reaches the boiling point it should be ready for canning. This, however, is not my method of choice since cooking destroys the vitamin C in rose petals.

More about the beauty of roses here

End of Summer

When summer gathers up her robes of glory,

And, like a dream, glides away...

Sarah Helen Whitman

The Power of Celebration

People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state - it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle… Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions. - Abraham Joshua Heschel in The Wisdom of Heschel

Image source here

A Summer Shower

Summertime by Beata Czyzowska Young
 

Welcome, rain or tempest
From yon airy powers,
We have languished for them
Many sultry hours,
And earth is sick and wan, and pines with all her flowers.

What have they been doing
In the burning June?
Riding with the genii?
Visiting the moon?
Or sleeping on the ice amid an arctic noon?

Bring they with them jewels
From the sunset lands?
What are these they scatter
With such lavish hands?
There are no brighter gems in Raolconda's sands.

Pattering on the gravel,
Dropping from the eaves,
Glancing in the grass, and
Tinkling on the leaves,
They flash the liquid pearls as flung from fairy sieves.

Meanwhile, unreluctant,
Earth like Danae lies;
Listen! is it fancy,
That beneath us sighs,
As that warm lap receives the largesse of the skies?

Jove, it is, descendeth
In those crystal rills;
And this world-wide tremor
Is a pulse that thrills
To a god's life infused through veins of velvet hills.

Wait, thou jealous sunshine,
Break not on their bliss;
Earth will blush in roses
Many a day for this,
And bend a brighter brow beneath thy burning kiss.

By Henry Timrod