The Joy of Gardening or How to Mend a Broken Heart

"Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes." – Unknown

Unless you lost a loved one you will never understand the avalanche of emotions that overwhelms the minds, the hearts and the souls of those bereaved.

I lost my husband in December 2023, short before Christmas. I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my companion, my twin soul, my alter ego. I lost my home, my garden, my dogs and my cats. My husband's spiteful daughter told me that "now, that my husband was dead, I could finally go back to my life". I wish I could "go back" to my life. I wish I could return to the time long before Jim's cancer diagnosis, when life was good and dreams were still possible.

One of the most important things in life is to never define yourself or your happiness by your possessions or the people in your life. You should be able to be happy even if you lost everything. I always understood that happiness was an inside job but I never imagined how I would cope with the loss if it actually happened in my life.

When you and your spouse are so completely connected that you become one mind, one soul, a sudden loss of your "other half" leaves an incredible emptiness. Nothing in your life prepares you for such a tragedy. Your world is completely shattered in an instant. You cannot "return to your life" and you don't simply move on. You survive and if you are lucky, you will slowly learn how to live again.

My husband's 2021 stage IV renal cell carcinoma diagnosis came as a shock to both of us. We hoped that he would be able to beat the disease, but we also knew that our days together were somewhat numbered. Still, his passing in December 2023 came unexpectedly. Five months later, one of our puppies died in the custody of my husband's daughter. An unimaginable void opened after these two deaths and unbearable pain became my companion ever since.

Interaction with my late husband's daughter in the weeks that followed his passing put me into an acute PTSD setting and left me heartbroken and traumatized. Although my husband left me everything he had, in a moment of distress and confusion, I renounced my inheritance believing that his daughter and her big family would have a better use for it. Despite my generosity I was even threatened with physical violence if I were to say something bad about my husband. Suddenly, I had to face evil I was not prepared for. Moreover, because of a nasty trick I lost my husband twice. Lies, deception, fraud, more lies.  

Till today I cannot understand how my sweet husband could have even been related to a person without honor, conscience or decency. If he had witnessed what transpired after his death, he would have been angry and disappointed. He would have never allowed this to happen, but that's a material for a book that probably will never be written.

Dealing with the loss of your loved one takes up all your energy, but to deal with pure, premeditated evil at the same time when you didn't even know it existed, adds another dimension to you suffering. 

I do understand that she lost her beloved father and took out her anger and frustration on me without even considering that I myself was grieving and in pain. I had nobody to turn to, just myself all alone. 

 

We all have our big and small tragedies and I am aware that nobody cares about my story. However, if you are broke, broken and depressed like me or feel stuck in your current emotional state for any reason, you may want to try something different for a change if you do not want to see a therapist. 

Healing takes time and requires a lot of strength if one doesn't want to lose one's mind or drown in anger, resentment and self pity. Some things cannot ever be repaired. You will never be the same. You do not move on. You cannot really recover from your loss. The grief will never go away. All you can do is to learn to cope, accept the things the way they are and try to somehow mend the broken heart, if this is even possible.

Grief is not a linear process. It is not a problem to be solved. Everyone experiences it differently. The grief will turn your life upside down and if you truly loved someone you lost, the grief will never leave you. 

The extreme emotional pain you feel after the loss of a loved one can profoundly affect your emotional and physical health. Finding something that will give you sense of purpose and accomplishment could help during the time of grief.

Gardening seems like one such thing that could help a grieving person to deal with the avalanche of emotions. It is an active exercise in mindfulness. It requires willingness to learn, concentration and many hours of work every day. Getting your fingers dirty is actually healthy and quite relaxing. Spending a lot of time outside and watching the plants you planted grow and move through their cycles of life can help you take your mind off your pain and connect with nature in a most healing way. You not only observe the cycles of life but also learn to accept the impermanence of things. 

There is an amazing sense of grace to be found in gardening...  

Many stressed or distressed people believe that there is no better way to calm the nerves and stimulate one's creativity than digging in the dirt and planting seeds. In fact, serious scientific studies were conducted on the relationship between mental and physical health and gardening. 

 

Scientists found out that gardening 

• helps you stay physically and mentally active 
• improves physical agility and helps strengthen the muscles
• exposure to sunlight while gardening helps you boost your Vitamin D levels
• possibly boosts immunity since the soil contains microorganisms beneficial to the immune system 
• decreases risk of such chronic diseases as heart disease and old age diabetes
• improves cognitive health and keeps your mind sharp
• gives you sense of purpose and accomplishment
• brings joy and happiness to your life 
• reduces stress and anxiety 
• helps you relax and sleep better

 

And, of course, if you are growing vegetables in your garden, gardening improves the way you eat since there is nothing more delicious than freshly plucked tomato or cucumber that you planted and have seen growing. 

 

Gardening can be very rewarding. Naturally, no amount of gardening will ever take your pain away, but it may help you manage stress and depression, if only just a bit. It helps you cope with difficult emotions. Daily work in the garden prevents you form losing your mind or turning bitter and vengeful. Your own joy and happiness is the best vengeance towards those who hurt you.

 

I no longer have a large garden so I started a small, bio-dynamic one on my balcony. I no longer have cats or dogs so I make friends with bumble bees and wasps. I thank the bees for pollinating my plants. I thank the wasps for keeping my plants free from aphids and other vermin. Watching things grow in my garden gives me some joy and comfort while I am trying to sort through memories from a much happier time.

Growing, harvesting and cooking your own food is probably one of the most satisfying experiences any gardener can have.

Although I completely lost my appetite I know that being able to prepare a meal from the fruits of one's diligent labor is a vital element of self care and cannot be underestimated during the time of mourning. 

Most days are very difficult for me. I hardly sleep anymore and I could probably water my small garden with all the tears I am shedding. I know that my beloved husband would not want me to let myself go so I try to pull myself together. Watching things grow fills my heart with gratitude. I take my morning coffee and read books in my garden just like we both used to do on so many mornings. I harvest my vegetables and prepare my meals the way I did for both of us. I don't even need to close my eyes to see my husband's smile as he is waiting for the salad dressing I am making.

We promised each other to be together forever. He never left. He just moved to another plane of existence and is waiting there for me...

By Dominique Allmon

In loving memory of my husband James W. Allmon (1953-2023)

Post scriptum

Cancer seems to be a nightmare my husband's family has to deal with. On May 7, 2025 my husband's son James William Jr. passed away only two moths before his 50th birthday. May he too rest in peace. 

Dominique Allmon©2025

Naturally Dyed Tiffany Blue Easter Eggs

If you are still looking for an Easter Egg Hunt ideas, this article will inspire you to try something new. All you need is eggs, white vinegar, and purple cabbage. The whole project takes less than 12 hours. The outcome is more than amazing.

I used white free range organic eggs and an organic purple cabbage to minimize exposure to chemicals in our already over polluted world. This is especially important if you want to eat the eggs after the Sunday egg hunt.

For twelve eggs you will need a large head of purple cabbage, large pot, and twelve small Mason jars or small drinking glasses to dye each egg individually. You can dye the eggs in bulk, of course, but if you dye them individually, the eggs will be covered more thoroughly. 

Method:

• Wash and chop up the cabbage. Toss it into a large pot, pour enough water to completely cover the cabbage, and bring it to boil. Reduce the heat, cover the pot, and boil until cabbage is soft. 
• Once the cabbage is ready, allow it to cool off. Strain the liquid and toss away the cabbage. Add 4 Tbsp of vinegar and mix well.
• Boil the eggs. Put the eggs in a large pot and cover them with cold water. Bring water to a rolling boil. Once the water is boiling, remove the pot from heat and cover it with a lid. Leave the eggs in hot water for 12-15 minutes. Remove the eggs from the pot and put them into a bowl of ice cold water. 
• Place each egg in an individual jar or a glass. Pour the purple cabbage juice over the eggs completely covering each one, and allow eggs to take color for at least three hours. The color intensity depends on the time the eggs spend in the purple cabbage dye. To add some variation, let some of the eggs stay in the dye for a bit longer. For a more dramatic effect, leave them in dye overnight.
• Remove the eggs from the dye and place them on a baking cooling rack. Allow the dye to dry out completely. The little flaws in paint are more than welcome. They truly make the eggs prettier.
• Once the dye dried out completely you can place them in an Easter basket, on a decorative platter, or in your backyard. 

 Eggs in purple cabbage juice

This is the first time I used purple cabbage to dye the eggs. They turned out beautifully. No egg looks the same. I used a little 24ct confectioners gold leaf to add a little sparkle to them. You can use edible gold paint if you prefer, or simply leave them the way they are.

I hope this little project woke up your own creativity. You can use different plants to make the most beautiful Easter eggs ever. My mother used onion peel to create various shades of golden yellow and brown color. Purple cabbage gives various shades of aquamarine, Tiffany blue and turquoise. You can use beets to make your eggs pink, turmeric root to make them bright yellow, dried chokeberries (Aronia) to make them pink, or blueberries and blackberries to make them indigo blue. You can mix the plants to create different nuances. Also, using brown eggs instead of white will produce a much different color effect. Experiment! It's fun.

~ Wishing everyone peaceful Easter Holidays and happy Easter Egg Hunt! ~ Dominique 

 

Dominique Allmon©2018

Anzac Biscuits Recipe

Have you ever tried Anzac bikkies? I visited Australia many times, but had never tried these biscuits that are so popular Down Under. 

Last Christmas, Kate, a dear friend from New Zealand, presented us with a box of this delicacy. Delicious they were! We devoured them in no time and felt we needed more. My husband James decided to try out the recipe and bake his own since we could not impose on Kate for the immediate supply. He did some research and decided, that a recipe from Australian magazine Taste was the best. He got all the ingredients and set out to work on the Dark & Crunchy version. His cookies turned out magnificent! Kate still has to try them, but we are both quite confident that his bikkies are perfect. Here is the recipe. It makes two dozen delicious Anzac biscuits.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup all purpose flour (150g)
• 1 cup rolled oats (90g)
• 1 cup desiccated, non-sweeten coconut flakes (85g)
• 3/4 firmly packed brown sugar (155g)
• 1 stick butter or 1/2 unsalted butter (125g)
• 2 Tbsp Golden Syrup
• 2 Tbsp water
• 1/2 tsp baking soda

Method:

• Line out two baking sheets (pans) with parchment.
• Preheat oven to 320°F (160°C).
• Toss flour, oats, coconut flakes, and brown sugar into a large mixing bowl and stir well until all ingredients are well combined. 
• In a small saucepan melt butter over medium heat. Add Golden Syrup and water, and mix well until mixture is smooth and creamy. Add baking soda and mix again. It will foam.
• Transfer the melted butter mixture into your mixing bowl. Mix well until you get a nicely firm dough.  
• Using a 1 1/2 inch cookie dough scoop, portion out the dough. Pack the dough tightly. Drop each cookie dough ball on a parchment and flatten it into a round cookie a little less than 0,4" thick (about 1cm) leaving about 2 inches (5cm) wide space between each cookie. The cookies will rise and expand during baking.
• Bake for 18 minutes at 320°F (160°C).
• Once bikkies are nicely golden, remove baking sheets from the oven and set them aside for 10 minutes, before you transfer them onto wired cooling racks. Allow to cool completely. 
• Once you bikkies have cooled off, enjoy them in good company!

Tip: James is a very practical man. He used his super cool Kitchenaid stand mixer and there is no reason you shouldn't too, if you own one.

To people in Australia and New Zealand Anzac biscuits have a very special meaning. They are associated with the Australian And New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) formed in World War I. Women groups and wives of the deployed men baked the cookies and sent them to ANZAC troops. The cookies were perfect because they did not spoil and kept well during the ocean journey that had to make.

In 1917 an Anzac Biscuits recipe appeared in "War Chest Cookery Book" that was published in Sydney, Australia. The published recipe, however, was different form the one used today. The prototype was known as a Rolled Oates Biscuit and was named an Anzac Biscuit sometime around 1921. Because of their historical connection to the ANZAC forces and ANZAC Day, these cookies are still used to raise funds for the veterans in New Zealand and Australia.

"These biscuits pay homage to our troops that died in World War 1, a war where we we were sent to the slaughter. Keep the honor of the thousand of dead troops alive by not messing with the recipe !!!" - Kirk Muddle in a comment on the recipe published online by Taste magazine.

Substitutes do not always work. For instance, the golden agave syrup is not the Golden Syrup you need for this recipe. It has a very different consistency, viscosity, and taste.  If you want to make cookies that taste like the original ones, you have to use the right ingredients. They are easily obtainable in specialized stores or online. If you do not quite know how the cookies are supposed to look and taste, you can always order a box. Once you tasted them, you can bake your own without a fear of spoiling the recipe.

By Dominique Allmon

 
Dominique Allmon©2018

Antilope - A Scent of Distinction

Antilope by Weil

Long forgotten and mostly unknown, Antilope by Weil was my favorite fragrance in late 70s. Sweet, woody, and elegant, it suited my taste back than. It was probably much too extravagant for a young person, but I liked it a lot. It came in a tiny bottle with a stopper. The scent is well etched into my olfactory memory even if I have a slight difficulty describing it today. It was fresh and wild and musky at the same time. I was mesmerized when I first smelled it.

Antilope was launched in 1945 by a Parisian furrier Les Fourrures Weil upon their return from American exile. 

The House of Weil made furs since 1912, but following the trend, launched its first fragrance in 1928. A number of fragrances were created at that time by various perfume makers to mask the unpleasant smell that a fur coat would exude with age. The specially designed fur fragrance was to camouflage the smell without damaging the fur coat. 

The House of Weil made its first fur fragrance at the direct request of a wealthy client. Weil's first fragrance was the Zibeline made in 1928 by the legendary Claude Frayssee and his daughter Jacqueline. A few more followed until the outbreak of the second World War when the Weils were forced into exile. The war did not really interrupt their creativity as they continued to make furs in the United States. Their return to Europe at the end of war was marked by the launch of two luxurious fragrances - Antilope and Padisha.

Antilope is an elegant, but slightly old fashioned floral woody aldehydic chypre perfume. It reminds me rather of the glamorous and capricious ladies who accompanied their husbands on African safaris rather than of the wild scent of hunted game.

There is something luxurious and exotic about the perfume whose "soul" is full of temperament - more like a difficult to catch antelope than a wild animal trying to attack its prey.

The top note is composed of neroli, bergamot and aldehydes that open to fresh and floral  heart of clary sage, rose, lily of the valley, jasmine, carnation, iris and violet. This olfactory structure rests on a woody base with a touch of musk and amber: sandalwood, vetiver, patchouli, tonka bean, amber, oak moss and musk.

I haven't smelled the Antilope for ages. I thought Antilope had disappeared from the market, but when the company was restructured in 2002 under a new ownership, the perfume was re-launched in a new, fresher, more herbal and slightly less "powdery" version of the old classic. Who knows, I might even give it a try.

By Dominique Allmon

 

Dominique Allmon©2012 

Images source here

Quote of the Day

Creativity is the intelligence having fun! 
- Albert Einstein

Mitsouko - The Fragrance of Mystery and Romance

The legendary perfume Mitsouko was created by Jacques Guerlain in 1919 at the end of the Great War, a time of great fascination with the Japanese culture and aesthetics. 

The creation of Mitsouko was inspired by the heroine of Claude Farrère's novel "La bataille", a story of an impossible love between Mitsouko - a wife of Japanese Admiral Togo - and a British officer. The story takes place in 1905, during the war between Russia and Japan. Both men go to war, and Mitsouko, hiding her feelings with dignity, waits for the outcome of the battle to discover which of the two men will come back to her and be her companion.

Mitsouko is a mysterious fragrance that does not simply reveal its beauty to everyone. The opening is long, like a play of all beautiful notes, and, of course, this fragrance is not for ordinary day use. On the skin it sounds as if it starts from far away, without any allusion to its intensity and sensual side. 

Mitsouko is one of the well known aromas of chypre olfactory group with cool top notes and oak moss in the base. But it also has a note of a juicy peach, which gives a clear and quite gourmand nuance. It features bergamot, peach, jasmine, may rose, spices such as cinnamon, oak moss, vetiver, and wood. The fragrance is exuberant, unusual and very elegant. It is neither too sweet, nor too heavy, well balanced and never overwhelming. Eau de Toilette is a bit more aggressive, while Eau de Perfume is warmer and nicer. The full richness of the composition, however, is revealed only in the perfume concentration.  

Mitsouko is said to herald the end of World War I. Because of the shortage of glass bottles at the end of the war, this perfume was marketed in the bottle of its predecessor, the L'Heure Bleue which was created in 1912. Mitsouko is sometimes considered to be the warm and much more cheerful counterpart of the melancholic L'Heure Bleue.

Joy - Perfume Contra Recession

Although not as well known today as Coco Chanel, Jean Patou was one of the most famous and influential couturiers of his time. Like Chanel, he revolutionized the "look" of women's wardrobe. He also introduced sportswear for women and designed the first tennis skirt. In 1928, Jean Patou created "Huile de Chaldée", the first sun tan oil ever created. 

His exclusive designs were created mostly for the wealthy American socialites. But when the financial markets crashed in 1929, many of his clients, especially the rich American women, were bankrupted and the "need" for luxury fashion vanished overnight.

The ingenious couturier decided, however, that something had to be done if he himself wanted to survive the bad economy. To dispel the gloom of Great Depression he launched a superb olfactory creation, the legendary Joy.

Indeed, his "Maison Patou" survived through this day thanks to his perfumes. Joy wasn't the first creation of the house. And it wasn't the last either. 

Joy - Perfume Contra Recession

Created by Henri Alméras as carefully as one of Patou's Haute Couture dresses, magnificent and timeless, Joy gathers extremely rare flowers in a unique concentration: 10,000 flowers of jasmine and 28 dozen Bulgarian roses come together to compose the heart of a single ounce of Joy! The perfume also contains other precious flower essences such as ylang ylang and tuberose.

The simple, but incredibly elegant bottle that was created specially for Patou by the French architect and artisan Louis Süe, appears to stand in a stark contrast to the flowery, joyous opulence of this perfume. But both, the fragrance and the bottle are reflections of the contemporary mind. 

This exquisite perfume was, indeed, uplifting to the senses! I definitely added a little joy to the everyday lives of those women who wore it during that difficult times. Although prohibitively expensive, Joy was a luxury they could still afford to buy.

Jean Patou joked that Joy would be "the costliest perfume in the world" ... and, to this day, Joy most certainly is one of the most expensive perfumes ever created. Many more creations followed, but none achieved the same status.

By Dominique Allmon 

P.S.

This is an absolutely fabulous fragrance. You cannot feel depressed while wearing it. However, I would not suggest that you spent your last money on it, but if you can afford it, wear it with joy!