The Joy of Gardening or How to Mend a Broken Heart

"Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes." – Unknown

I lost my husband in December 2023, short before Christmas. I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my companion. I lost my home, my garden, my dogs and my cats. My husband's daughter told that "now, that my husband was dead, I could finally go back to my life". I wish I could "go back" to my life. I wish I could return to the time long before the cancer diagnosis, before fear, when life was good and dreams were still possible.

One of the most important things in life is to never define yourself or your happiness by your possessions or people in your life. You should be able to be happy even if you lost everything. I always understood that happiness was an inside job but I never imagined how I would cope with the loss if it actually happened in my life.

When you and your spouse are so completely connected that you become one mind, one soul, a sudden loss of your "other half" leaves an incredible emptiness. Nothing in your life prepares you for such a tragedy. Your world is completely shattered in an instant. You cannot "return to your life", you don't simply move on. You survive and if you are lucky, you will slowly learn how to live again.

My husband's 2021 stage IV renal cell carcinoma diagnosis came as a shock to both of us. We hoped that he would be able to beat the disease, but we also knew that our days together were somewhat numbered. Still, his passing came unexpectedly. An unimaginable void opened after his death and unbearable pain became my companion ever since.

Interaction with my late husband's daughter in the weeks that followed his passing left me completely heartbroken. I had to face evil I was not prepared for. I lost my husband twice. Lies, deception, fraud. If James had witnessed what transpired after his death, he would have been shocked and angry, but this is material for a book that probably will never be written. Dealing with the loss of your loved one takes up all your energy, but to deal with pure, premeditated evil at the same time when you didn't even know it existed, is beyond anyone's imagination. 

Healing takes time and requires a lot of strength if one doesn't want to lose one's mind or drown in anger, resentment and self pity. Some things cannot ever be repaired. You will never be the same. You do not move on. You cannot really recover from your loss. The grief will never go away. All you can do is to learn to cope, accept the things the way they are and try to somehow mend the broken heart, if this is even possible.

Grief is not a linear process. Everyone experiences it differently. The extreme emotional pain you feel after the loss of a loved one can profoundly affect your emotional and physical health. Finding something that will give you sense of purpose and accomplishment could help during the time of grief.

Gardening seems like one such thing that could help a grieving person to deal with the avalanche of emotions. It is an active exercise in mindfulness. It requires willingness to learn, concentration and many hours of work every day. Getting your fingers dirty is actually healthy and quite relaxing. Spending a lot of time outside and watching the plants grow and move through their cycles of life can help you take your mind off your pain and connect with nature in a most healing way. You not only observe the cycles of life but also learn to accept the impermanence of things.

Many stressed or distressed people believe that there is no better way to calm the nerves and stimulate one's creativity than digging in the dirt and planting seeds. In fact, serious scientific studies were conducted on the relationship between mental and physical health and gardening. 

 

Scientists found out that gardening 

• reduces stress and anxiety
• decreases risk of such chronic diseases as heart disease and old age diabetes
• improves physical agility
• brings joy and happiness to your life
• improves cognitive health and keeps your mind sharp
• helps you relax and sleep better

 

And, of course, if you are growing vegetables in your garden, gardening improves the way you eat since there is nothing more delicious than freshly plucked tomato or cucumber that you have seen growing. 

 

Naturally, no amount of gardening will ever take your pain away, but it may help you manage stress and depression, if only just a bit.

 

I no longer have a large garden so I started a small, bio-dynamic one on my balcony. I no longer have cats or dogs so I make friends with bumble bees and wasps. I thank the bees for pollinating my plants. I thank the wasps for keeping my plants free from aphids and other vermin. Watching the things grow gives me joy and comfort while I am trying to sort through memories from a much happier time.

Growing, harvesting and cooking your own food is probably one of the most satisfying experiences any gardener can have.

Being able to prepare a meal from the fruits of one's diligent labor is a vital element of self care and cannot be underestimated during the time of mourning.

Most days are very difficult for me. I could probably water my small garden with all the tears I am shedding but I also know that my beloved husband would not want me to let myself go. Watching the things grow fills my heart with joy and gratitude. I have my morning coffee in my garden just like we both used to do on so many mornings. I harvest my vegetables and prepare my meals the way I did for both of us. I don't even need to close my eyes to see my husband's smile as he is waiting for the salad dressing I am making.

We promised each other to be together forever. He never left. He just moved to another plane of existence and is waiting there for me...

By Dominique Allmon

In loving memory of my husband James W. Allmon (1953-2023)

Dominique Allmon©2025

Health Benefits of Coconut Oil

What Is Coconut Oil?

Coconut oil is an edible oil that has been extracted from the flesh of mature fruits of the coconut palm or the Cocos nucifera.

Coconut oil has been used for thousands of years by cultures living in the tropics. People of these cultures traditionally demonstrated incredible levels of good health and fitness, particularly if they followed their traditional diet that was normally rich in tropical fruits and coconut oil. Their health often deteriorated when they started adding unhealthy Western foods to their diet.

Understanding Fats

There is a widely spread misconception about fat. The idea that fat, especially the saturated fat, was bad for you originated in the 1960s-70s. There was a faulty research that pointed out that fat was the main culprit in the heart disease. This idea gave birth to low-fat diet and a marketing craze of low-fat, no-fat "food" products. In 1977 low-fat diet was recommended to the American society by the Dietary Guidelines for Americans Committee. This recommendation caused more harm than good. There was not only no decrease in heart disease, Americans were getting sicker and fatter than ever before. Only recently, after evaluation of the empirical data "powers-to-be" came to realization that we need fat in our diet and that saturated fat is not necessarily evil.

We need fats in our diet! Fats helps us absorb the fat soluble vitamins A, D, E and K. Fats are necessary for the proper neurological function and other processes within the body. They provide insulation to our body and the internal organs and are stored as a valuable energy reserve. So, instead of vilifying fat, we should eat the right fats.

Fats are composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. (Some phospholipids may also contain nitrogen and phosphorus atoms.) The number of hydrogen molecules is what determines saturation of fats. When each carbon atom has its maximum number of hydrogen atoms attached to it, we call that fat a saturated fat. In other words, a saturated fat is a fat that is filled to its capacity with hydrogen atoms. Saturated fats are usually of animal origin - like lard, tallow and butter. They are solid and rather unstable at room temperature.

Plant-derived fats are unsaturated fats. They are either monounsaturated - like the oleic fatty acid in olive oil; or polyunsaturated - like linoleic fatty acid found in corn, soybean, peanut, cottonseed or safflower oil.

Although plant-derived, coconut oil belongs to the group of saturated fats, it is a source of medium- and short-chain fatty acids. It does not oxidize when exposed to oxygen, it liquefies in room temperature and it has a high burning point.

Natural coconut oil consists of more than 90% saturated fat, but it also contains some unsaturated fat that includes mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids:

• Most saturated fatty acids in coconut oil are medium chain triglycerides: lauric acid, capric acid, myristic acid and palmitic acid.
• Linoleic acid (a polyunsaturated fatty acid)
• Oleic acid (a monounsaturated fatty acid)
• Plyphenols such as phenolic acid which is responsible for the aroma and taste of the coconut oil.

Coconut oil also contains vitamins E and K, choline and iron. 

The biochemistry of fats is rather complicated, but not very difficult to understand. If you are interested in biochemistry and want to learn more about fats, please click here.

Health Benefits of Coconut Oil

The most recent research confirms what was known for ages: Coconut oil is good for you! The many health benefits include:

• Mental health and cognition - Research shows that medium chain triglycerides (MCTs) found in coconut oil can significantly improve cognitive function in humans and animals. Studies demonstrated that both, people and aging dogs consuming MCTs performed better on cognitive tests that those who did not. Moreover, MCTs produce ketones which are used by the body as an insulin-independent energy source. The most recent research suggests that Alzheimer's patients may not be unable to properly utilize insulin in their brains. The brain needs insulin in order to use glucose, but when brain cells lack glucose, they die. This may lead to brain damage and neurological diseases such as Alzheimer's. Since ketones deliver energy necessary to support healthy function and structure of brain cells they may play important role in treatment and prevention of Alzheimer's disease. More research needs to be conducted, but there is hope for those who suffer from this incurable disease.
• Digestion - Coconut oil may help improve digestion and digestive disorders. The medium chain fatty acids (MCFAs) in coconut oil are easier to digest that the long chain fatty acids in other oils. This means that the digestion of coconut oil puts less strain on liver and pancreas since the digestion of MCFAs does not require bile or pancreatic enzymes. Coconut oil can help alleviate symptoms of Crohn's disease, pancreatitis, ulcerative colitis and stomach ulcers. It speeds digestion and can prevent constipation. Coconut oil also has the unique ability to kill or expel parasites of the digestive tract including worms such as tapeworms and protozoa such as girardia. Coconut oil also helps keep H. pylori bacteria in check.
• Weight loss - Coconut oil can help you lose weight. It works on many levels: it helps improve digestion and heal the digestive tract, prevent constipation, increase metabolic rate, prevent food cravings, and improve the thyroid function. 
• Heart health - For many researchers coconut oil is quite puzzling as far as heart health is concerned. Coconut oil contains both, heart-friendly myristic fatty acid and the lauric fatty acid that is generally considered to be detrimental to cardiovascular health. However, the combination of these fatty acids in coconut oil tends to improve the cholesterol profile since it increases the HDL (good cholesterol) thus improving the HDL/LDL (good versus bad cholesterol) ratio in blood. The HDL/LDL ratio is regarded as an accurate indicator of the heart disease.
• Immune system - Anti-microbial properties of coconut oil have been well known for centuries to people living in tropical cultures. Research confirms that coconut oil has the ability to improve immune function. Among others, coconut oil contains lauric acid which is converted by the body to monolaurin. Monolaurin is a natural component in breast milk. research shows that monolaurin has the capacity to kill yeast, viruses and gram positive bacteria such as Streptococcus, Staphylococcus or Listeria.
• Candida - Capric acid, caprilic acid, caproic acid, lauric acid and myristic acid - fatty acids present in coconut oil are very useful in healing and preventing candida. They are well known for their antimicrobial, antiviral and anti-fungal properties. Regular use of coconut oil helps not only heal systemic candidiasis, but also to prevent recurrent infection.
• Dental care - Coconut oil is often used to prevent tooth decay. Applied topically, coconut oil heals swollen and inflamed gums. Many people use coconut oil instead of toothpaste, others perform a simple daily ritual known as oil pulling wherein a spoonful of coconut oil is swished between the teeth for 15 minutes or so. Coconut oil with its anti-microbial properties acts as a unique mouth cleanser. It not only removes bacteria and plaque, it brightens the teeth, heals oral infections and prevents bad breath.
• Vision - A study conducted by Vallikannan Baskaran, from the Central Food Technological Research Institute in India, demonstrated that consumption of coconut oil promotes the bio-availability of lutein which is necessary for maintaining eye health in aging adults. 
• Skin health - Coconut oil helps to heal skin infections, allergic dermatitis, eczema, psoriasis, sunburn and wounds. Its antibacterial properties make it a perfect ointment for infected wounds. It stops infections of the wound and the putrefaction of adjacent skin tissues.
• Skincare - Coconut oil is a wonderful moisturizer and emollient. It may help to reduce wrinkles and rejuvenate the skin. Since the virgin coconut oil is free from any additives, it is a perfect solution for delicate or sensitive skin.
• Haircare - Coconut oil is a wonderful conditioner for hair and scalp. Traditionally it has been used to ensure a healthy hair growth and to prevent scalp infections and dandruff. 

Buying Coconut Oil

Buying coconut oil might not be as easy as it seems. The recent coconut oil "craze" brought tons of coconut oil on the market. There is not a single supermarket or a health food store that would not carry coconut oil today. But like with everything, not all products are created equal and there is a difference not only in price, but also in the quality. Remember to always buy certified organic, cold pressed, hexane-free product.

By Dominique Allmon


*This information is for educational purposes only. It is not meant to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.


Health Benefits of Coconut Oil by Dominique Allmon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Quote of the Day

"We don't need other worlds. We need mirrors." - Stanisław Lem in "Solaris"

Stanisław Lem (September 12, 1921 - March 26, 2006) was a Polish science fiction writer, futurist, philosopher, and essayist. His works have been translated into forty one languages, "Solaris" being probably his best known.