Saturday, January 8, 2011

My First Mission to Earth



 For James

The landing was more than rough. Our module fell apart upon the impact and I found myself thrown quite a distance from the spot we had designated for our landing. Our ships never malfunction, but there was something weird about this unfriendly area that confused the navigation. I remember Trnbxår screaming that the coordinates were right, but nevertheless, something went wrong. We crashed.
I was warned that the beings on this planet were rather hostile and might get strange ideas when they see us without a disguise. I would never forget the history lessons and the story of our unfortunate 85756th expedition to this strange planet. The crew was captured by a vicious crowd who later conducted crude experiments on their physical remains. Abominable!

I knew I had to find a disguise very quickly. I lurked behind a rock waiting for a proper suit donor to appear. A furry creature came out of nowhere apparently hunting for food in the tall grass. I saw how quick it was. I had to be even quicker if I wanted to wear that suit. I grabbed it, squeezed the creature out and slipped into its jumper without any delay. It felt a bit tight, but there was no time to look for another one. I made off quickly in search of the remaining crew.

The place looked somewhat familiar. I remembered the images that were shown to me at the Central Command. Nothing had changed here since the last landing. Time seemed to stand still on this funny planet. And funny it was! It was small and rushed like mad around its star. And it only had one moon. Can you imagine that? Really funny. Their entire solar system was like a joke.

I wondered around and found traces of habitation. I entered the perimeter and only an instant later saw two huge bipeds. They noticed me too. I immediately regretted my quick decision to slip into that small furry thing. But amazingly enough, the bipeds seemed less hostile than expected. Maybe they simply liked furry creatures. Imagine. They even gave me something to eat. It was disgusting! A slimy, smelly something. My crxnk would not even touch anything like that and they tried to feed it to me! My disguise, that is.

I must admit though that there was something special about these two bipeds. They looked friendly and seemed to like me. They even called me "Monster", whatever that meant. They invited me to their home. Not so quickly, you two! This might be a trap, I thought. One could not be too careful.

When no one was looking, I snicked in and quickly surveyed the living quarters of my chosen bipeds. They had an access to some very rudimentary communication technology. It looked like the primitive devices our ancestors used about six thousand years ago. And yet, this was better than nothing. I had to act fast. I could gain access to this machine if they trusted me enough to keep me in. I understood that I would have to endure all the fondling and scratching and even more of that atrocious food they were trying to feed me. But patience paid off. In no time I moved in and was allowed to sit next to their communication device. They seemed not to suspect anything.

My mission was very simple. We needed few more specimen as the ones that were recently captured perished long before the craft could reach the mother ship. We also had to take water and air samples, and extract some bone marrow and some brain tissue. These were needed for grafting experiments. Our school children created some hybrids and we wanted to see if they were compatible with the beings from this planet. We needed the air and water samples to recreate the exact atmosphere of the area.

 
I was charged with the singular honor to oversee the extraction process. The samples had to be immaculate or else they would contaminate the results of the experiment.

As I was told before my mission, the bipeds were very predictable. They followed a very weird but simple daily routine and left me mostly to myself. Their technology seemed to be completely useless so no wonder life on this planet was so archaic. But the beings seemed to enjoy it in their own strange ways. I only had to enhance their technology just a bit. This meant that I had to return to the place of impact. But most importantly, I had to find my crew. My locator signal was on. If anyone survived the impact, they would have no problem finding me.
 
As the time passed, more than one furry suit appeared on the porch of my new living quarters. I tried to communicate, but none of them happened to be my crew in disguise. It was annoying. I was patrolling the area and had to chase away every single one of them. Some even tried to mate with my suit! No one at home would ever believe me if I told them about the real dangers of my mission. Grrxxr! Just get me out of here!
 
Finally, Orvnxtu appeared wearing the most outrageous disguise. He heard my locator signal few days ago, but had a difficulty catching the suit he liked the most. It was as quick as mercury and slightly too small, but it had some advantages, he said. I could not stop laughing when I saw him. He was the color of a ripe nxœtår, but, unfortunately, smelled nothing like it.

My bipeds seemed to like him a lot and gave him the food I rejected. Orvnxtu moved in very quickly and genuinely enjoyed the food he was given. Yuck! But of course, he was more experienced than I. He traveled before and tried the strangest delicacies in all corners of the galaxy. For me, this was the first time and I guess, I wasn't adventurous enough.

Orvnxtu was very smart. He knew that his disguise would expand if he ate a lot. He suggested that I did, too. A bigger suit would be a blessing because my back was itching mercilessly, but I decided to keep things just the way they were. I was enhanced with the cornico-pathaeral gland and could synthesize my own nourishment. If I ate anything at all it was only to defer suspicion. I even begun to like my bipedal Earthlings and allowed them to touch and scratch my furry suit. They would make perfect toys for my crxnk, but this was only a dream since on my planet we were not allowed to keep the specimen to ourselves. Any specimen that survived became property of the Ministry of Science and this was good so.

By Dominique Allmon

This short story was inspired by two enchanted cats - Madame M. also known as the Monster and Agent Orange. Madame M. is by no means an ordinary cat. She definitely  came from outer space. Agent Orange is the only creature that was allowed to set foot on our porch. Now they are plotting together, but Madame M. is definitely the commander in chief. 

To read about Madame M. please click here

Image source abducted by aliens


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My First Mission to Earth by Dominique Allmon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.