Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. - Author unknown but greatly appreciated
When it's time to move on
By Lori Deschene
At the end of my first long-term relationship in college, when it was
clear there was nothing left to salvage, I told a mutual friend that I
“had to make it work.”
The idea of moving on seemed incomprehensible. I’d invested three
years. We’d loved each other, laughed together; hurt each other, grown
together. I was young and I made him my everything. How could I possibly
let go of us when my own identity was inextricably wrapped in our pairing?
The friend told me I talked as if we were married with kids. I didn’t have to make it work. There was no good reason to stay other than my resistance to the pain of leaving.
How do you ever know when it’s time to walk away from anyone? It
always feels so much safer to stay - in a friendship, a romance, and
especially a relationship with a family member.
It’s hard to wrap our heads around the idea that love often means
letting go. We can still have feelings for someone and recognize that
the relationship is irreparable. Sometimes moving on is the best way to
love ourselves.
It’s a choice to set two people free instead of continually reliving
the same arguments, denying the same incompatibility, and opening the
same wounds knowing full well they’ll only heal with time and space.
I’ve written many how-to posts about relationships. I’ve shared my thoughts of kindness, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness, and I’ve even offered suggestions for letting go.
But the truth is there are no simple step-by-step instructions for
knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most
important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t
right, and it can’t be fixed.
It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying.
But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated.
How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the
courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do
more harm than good.
We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the
only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the
strength to walk away.
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha
She recently published her first book "Tiny Buddha, Simply Wisdom for Life's Hard Questions"